guy smiley

Did you ever become so enamored or excited inside that you can’t even look straight ahead? You might do what I do. You might just get a big grin (in my case a stupid crooked grin) and then look down and you can still feel yourself smiling ear to ear about the way you feel. And you just shake your head thinking how funny or happy you might be. Like, am I really this happy about what I see or is this really happening or did he/she really do that? I often times am caught in this type of reaction. Little cousins do something funny, pretty girl walking down a city street smiles at me, or one of my friends just says something that is so out of left field I am left speechless and impressed all at once. A few of my friends have words that go along with this type of emotion. Some say “eaaasssyyyyy”, some say “pheewwww”; some go “uh huh huh huh”.

I guess my point to all of the above is that you should also get this type of feeling out of a relationship or a friendship. You were right Z, life is too short my friend and you did the right thing. My friends, male and female and even blood-related, give me these times of bliss where I am at a loss for words but am full of thought and emotion. Some people even laugh so much they cry, right? I often times find myself bringing up moments in the past that made me feel like this if I’m ever facing something difficult. And, well, embarrassing as it may sound, I might recite what was said at that time. Say you never did it?

I guess my point to the below of the above is that you should also expect this feeling from a boyfriend or a girlfriend, a wife or a husband (not giving marital advice here) or a best friend.

I think if you can go to sleep with a smile on your face as you flip to your side of the pillow you’re a very lucky person…..

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hello

So I put this out there for everyone to read after a friend gave me the final push. Two parts excited. One part nervous. None of what I write wouldn't be something I wouldn't say to someone, so I guess it's all good. I thank you for coming here. If you get anything out of one word or phrase I post here, then I'm happy. I like to talk, but I'm just better at writing.....hmmmm..a guy that likes to write? Either an author or an inmate at Graterford. You can see me however you like. It's Friday and the sun is shining through the glass on the seventh floor....

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this way and that

Some people always clammor to get their own way. From children to adults, from the playground to the board room, to relationships and break-ups. Someone is always trying to get their way. I can't deny that I sometimes have wanted my way and looking back, I can also see that my way was not only selfish, but wrong. I give credit to the people that didn't let me get my way because it makes you a better person. I wouldn't say that it's called dealing with adversity, but I think it teaches you to look closer at what you want and how you can compromise with someone to get what you both want. If you are on the receiving end of someone who always wants their way, say no once in a while and they might try and approach you or the situation differently. I mean, saying to no to someone who always wants their way doesn't mean you're not compromising; it says to the person that they need to go back to the drawing board and figure out a way to work together to get something.

Now, if you are confused as to what you want out of a situation and always seem indecisive; well, you're forced to ride the wave of uncertainty and that can be worse than not getting what you want out of a situation. So take the next wave in, sit on the beach for a while, and then head back out to catch another......you might find the ride to be a little more enjoyable.

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to the victor go the spoils?

I don't know if there is a 'man upstairs', a destiny, a fate, or whatever....I don't know if every action just comes with reactions and consequences. I don't really believe that saying 'what doesn't kill us makes us stronger' cause really, I don't know if I like playing around with mortality like that. Although sometimes I have. I take life as a series of tests, moments, and memories. I guess, you want more of one than the other, but when the tests come in succession you can either turn towards the storm or turn away....either way, its gonna hit you. I guess, most times, I've had to face the music, but it hurts when people I care about have to face it as well.....I guess better to face it now, learn, move on, and live for another challenge. I just don't like to equate winning to surviving....

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define

Never let someone define the person you aim to be in life. Define yourself to others and make efforts to be the person you want to be. Too often I see people believing in what others perceive or see in them; and that's just not supposed to be the case. Look in the mirror and ask yourself "who am I and who do I want others to see me as?" You may struggle with the answer, but only you know. This one time while I was doing an internship (aka collecting and distributing faxes to adults), I was really giving the guy I worked with a hard time. Making fun of him, his friends, his family, even his parents. So he looks me right in the eye and says, "Bob, I know why you're making fun of me. It's because you're insecure about yourself. So I'm okay with that. I know the more you make fun of me and my life, the less you like yourself...."

With that statement I turned around in my chair and shut up pretty quickly. It was quite the truth at that time and that guy and I became really great friends over the years. Today, I am impressed with the person he has become all the while still being that corny intern from Jersey that used to help me have a great time in an otherwise boring and mundane job.

Here's to you Faxboy. Cheers to the good old days!

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say it

Say what you will now because time just keeps on passing you by. If you want to say something, say it. If the urge is there to react or respond, do it. As long as it's within the appropriate boundaries. I know that might sound a bit conformist, but well, sometimes we have to play by society's rules......but...words can break the boundaries of conformity and norms.

And smile. Smile even when you think you shouldn't.

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window

If you ride with the windows up all the time you'll never be able to smell the fresh air or hear the sounds that you are missing. It may not always be good, but they may not always be bad.....two things they are is new and different. New can be good. Different can be better. Roll the window down and let it in.

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*txt*

To the guy who invented the text message.....you really have allowed an entire human race to be non-confrontational, un-emotional, too emotional, too easy to access, too easy to ignore, quick, short, unresponsive, too responsive, crazy, annoyingly interesting, beautifully poetic, write in words that aren't right, make up for wrongs without ever apologizing, make symbols with symbols, and allow a completely calm night turn into a worlwind of carpal-tunnel intensity......I thank you for your hard work.

:-)

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control

I find it funny how many people get frustrated when they don't have control over someone or something that's going on in their lives. I mean, I understand why something like that could be frustrating, but most things, well, like feelings and emotions, we do have a certain level of control over. You choose how to feel every day. What is interesting to me is while people get frustrated when they do not have control over something; they can be a pushover to someone or something that is controlling them and let this situation or individual control them. I think mentally, we can only avert our minds to what this type of control is doing to our psyche. In the end, I think we almost have to apologize to ourselves for allowing such control. I know we've all been controlled by something or someone in our lives, so I beg the question why? I don't know if such control provides some type of structure or reinforcement. I'm not talking about society's control or the control of the law. Most of us abide by those rules (wink), but I'm speaking on the things in life that just pop up and take us by the horns and drive us to the ground.....or walk us directly into a place we know won't feel good in the end.

Don't play fair, but do play.

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split second

Are you like me and sometimes think about decisions you made in the past that you could have made differently? I mean, I'm not sure if it's feeling regretful or just kinda fate that we make the decisions. I guess if the end result is negative in nature you might be prone to feel bad about that decision. If it turns out positive, well, I guess that's the best outcome. Sometimes decisions seem to range anywhere from a second to years to make. I guess that's where they get split-second decisions. Thing of it is, I think it weighs less on you if you spend a very small amount of time making a decision. Then again, a decision that can be made so quickly and without thought usually seems to be the thing you wanted to do. Even if it didn't turn out the way you may have wanted it to.

Every day we're faced with making decisions. From the time we wake up until the time we fall asleep. I would have to say we make hundreds, maybe thousands of decisions in the blink of an eye. What to write, type, wear, eat, say, feel, etc. So how come so many of us live such indecisive and confusing lives? Or search for direction or guidance? I guess it's just finding you're way. I don't know....I'm undecided.

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cold

Damn it's cold down here in Philly. Anyhow, the new year is starting off really well. It's ironic how just a different year can change your perspective on things and also minimize things that you may have thought had more of an impact on your life. Like I say, it's all in the reaction. A person once said to me, before you react in a negative or outlandish way, wait one or two days and see if you still feel the same way. Sure enough....you usually are much more mellow about what once bothered you. I see some friends and family taking trips to some really nice & jealously warm places. Seems like a great idea right about now considering the N'East is getting hit with a bit of an arctic blast and zero degree nights. I guess I like to take advantage of these times and find a place to get warm...and share some laughs. So get warm, share some good times, and remember...the cold goes away in a few months... :)

yes mr. police officer, there might be some things that could go towards a book.....but for some reason I think I need to stop making life so damn interesting. ha!

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idle chatter

Sometimes it's not always about how you feel about yourself, but how others let you know how you feel to them. It's okay to tell a friend, a peer, a co-worker, or husband, wife, girlfriend or boyfriend how you feel about them. I think that too many times we are going to fast in life that we don't often tell those special people how much they mean to you. It's amazing how fulfilled you can feel when someone just says "hey, I'm happy you stopped by" or "hey, it was really good to see you...."

I think it's always appreciated when it's said face to face or voice to ear. We all need a pick-me-up every now and then, but when it's unexpected it just makes you feel that much better....

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oh yeah, Birds are in the NFC Championship game vs the Cards. E-A-G-L-E-S....EAGLESS!!!! and principal....the kid really had his game face on this past Sunday didn't he??? Shining on brother. Shining on....

multi-tasking

I wonder what the criminals are doing when the police officer is busy on facebook....even more so I wonder what the kids are doing to the school when the principal is on facebook....okay...I wonder what gets done when the entire country is on facebook.

I guess we've all learned that word from our first interviews out of college....

Interviewer "Mr. X, do you know how to multi-task????"
Mr. X "If you're talking about double-fisting beers at one time.....you're god damn right I do!!!"...So do I get that 25-thou a year job or what?"

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slip

If you slip and fall, it's cool. If you slip and fall in front of a group of people, it can still be cool and funny. If you keep slipping and keep falling and you get up every time a better pedestrian, you're learing to walk alone. If you slip and fall and slip and fall and start to walk crooked or just givce up on walking.....Well...maybe it's time to ride a bike or walk on the other side of the sidewalk.

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wrong, me? come on.

I find it amusing how some people will tell you how wrong your ideas are, how wrong your life might be, how you need to "calm" or "settle" down, how you need to take it easy, or how you think you know it all. I mean, if your life is wrong you won't be happy, if you need to settle, go ahead and settle for less, if you need to take it easy, anything hard is usually worthwhile, and if we thought we knew it all, we'd all be rich and successful...it's an expression.

but you can't argue with a happy person because after the argument, they're still happy and moving on to the next thing that brings them happiness. I've always found that to be an interesting trait. Happy people don't dwell on things. They fix things or they move on.

And Principal.......maybe in some way I was getting it all these years. I mean, my suitcase is filled with tons of good shit. Here's to the travels on the road, in your head and in your heart.

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chasing sun

Do whatever makes you happy. Don't do what you expect might make you happy or might make someone else happy. Too many times we assume we know what really makes us happy, but it's those times when you get to sit back and think about when you were happiest and what was involved in bringing you to that level of elation. Too often do people spend countless hours, days, and sometimes years trying to get that happiness back. You may never get that happiness back, but you also will never get back the time you spent chasing it...

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one way

One way to deal with the stress of working through your own problems or issues is to help a friend work on their own. You're not the only one who goes through tough times and it makes you feel better and less stressed to navigate a friend through their own problems. I guess it's all well and good until you let their problems infect your life. Then it becomes toxic. A few of my close friends and I always swap advice and man, am I better for it. They turn trivial into common and stressful into laughable. If not for friends I think most of us would be in the insane asylum......with all our friends.

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intersection

Sometimes the past, present and future can all intersect at the same time. I think everyone wants to pick the right road and continue down that path, but for a few seconds, it might be wise to just stand at the intersection and let some traffic pass by and let your thought process occur naturally. It seems as though people can be in such a hurry and in such a rush that they never even look down the other roads. Be more careful about crossing, you don't want to get hit by something moving so fast that you never saw it coming.

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no idea

I have no idea what to write today. A lot is going on. I wonder though. If you decide not to speak your mind and hold something in, are you doing yourself more bad than good? Or are you sparing those who might be affected the most from feeling bad? I guess, it's a decision to be either selfish or selfless. I have respect for those who speak up about how they feel, but then again I guess I have respect for those people that have held their tongues when they may have wanted to come down on me for something they felt. I guess in either case....I'll be biting my tongue to do either.

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eve

So I didn't have any plans for new years eve and it turned out to be a great time. I guess flying by the seat of your pants isn't so bad once in a while. Out with old and in with the new. Change is good even if you don't want it to happen at first. We're all in some routine, but I guess you need to look yourself in the mirror at some point and realize that bad routines will end...well...badly. Here's to changing the game and breaking bad.

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