blinking

I’ve hit a wall. I guess, like anyone, we all have thoughts about situations where we know we could end up getting the wrong end of the stick. I always speak up for people and speak up for myself. I know that some people don’t like to hear what may honestly be the truth about a situation. I mean, does anyone like hearing criticism? No. None of us do.

I am trying to search for the right answer in a very difficult and intense situation. Call me what you will, but I guess when I see something good I go after it. The thing is, I may go after it blindly and without consideration for the situation or people involved. I just think if you can say what’s on your mind and in your heart you are being true to yourself and the situation and if a person can’t respect that; then I guess there’s nothing to be said for the person.

At the time I find myself torn between going after something I want and being content in the safety of not taking a chance to open a can of worms. Anyone ever feel like this? Feel like you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t? I know it’s not just me. The principal always has some good advice. I mean, that’s what principals are supposed to do for kids. I guess I’m still a kid in some ways, but I like that. I like that I take people for what they show me and don’t dig deeper into their heads for some reason why I should doubt them. No one likes to be made a fool and consequences of playing around with a person’s emotions can vary. Since I finally grew up at the ripe age of like 29, I’ve learned that being angry and mean to someone will get you no where in life. Every situation can be handled in a way that both people can feel comfortable about saying what they want to say.

I sometimes cringe at the echoes of yells that sometimes occurred while I was growing up. Wondering if someone would hear and come and help out since I was too young to do anything. Wondering if this was the way “adults” sorted things out. I know we’ve all been involved in these types of situations as children, adolescents, or adults. It’s never a good thing. Nowadays when I feel a situation going towards that direction, I start to be quiet. I just tend to look away or think of something that emits serenity in life like the ocean, the beach, or an empty city sidewalk. I just don’t have much respect for people who yell just to hear their words over top of others. The most pertinent words will do damage regardless if they’re loud or silent.

After some thought about recent events, I wanted to make a decision to bail on the whole ordeal. It’s causing me to stress about stuff that is way out of my control. I really don’t want to control anything. I just want to have a chance for things to be right. And I guess that’s where the missing variable is in this equation. The “right thing to do” may be two different things to two different people at this point. In any case, I don’t bode well to dishonesty and beating around the bush and I’m not going to start.

I could sit here and say that age, experience and wisdom can have something to do with being indecisive, but I’m just too smart for that. I think many of the same thoughts I did all along life. My actions may not have always followed, but in the end, being true to yourself and the people or person you care about can take you safely down a many a road in life.

"Life's rewards go to those who let their actions rise above their excuse"- Lee J. Colan